Be Kind to Your Family
Allahuma salli `ala Sayyidina Muhammad hatta yarda Sayyidina Muhammad.
A`udhu billahi min ash-Shaytan i`r-rajeem. Bismi`lLahi `r-Rahmani `r-Raheem.
Nawaytu ’l-arba`een, nawaytu ‘l-`itikaf, nawaytu ’l-khalwah, nawaytu ’l-`uzla,
nawaytu ‘r-riyadah, nawaytu ‘s-suluk, lillahi ta`ala fi hadha ‘l-masjid.
Ati` Allah wa at`i ar-Rasula wa uli ‘l-amri minkum.
Obey Allah, obey the Prophet, and obey those in authority among you. (4:59)
Dastoor, Madad ya Sultan al-Awliya, Mawlana Shaykh Muhammad Nazim al-Haqqani.
Dastoor, Madad ya Sultan al-Awliya, Mawlana Shaykh `Abd Allah al-Fa’iz ad-Daghestani.
I will give a short suhbah, as I have to run. Discipline in tariqah is very important. Sayyidee Shaykh Nazim (q) has a lot of mureeds around the world. All of them are respected and he loves them all and takes care of them. But he likes to see discipline from them and good manners, yatahalloo biha, they dress themselves with it. Why is he the shaykh? In order that people will point to his followers and say, "Those are the best people." When Prophet (s) was sent by Allah (swt), Allah (swt) said in Holy Qur'an, Wa innaka la-`ala khuluqin `azheem. Worship is good, to pray, but people might pray and not have good character. So the Maqaam al-Ihsaan, the State of Perfect Character, is the goal that every wali wants his followers to reach. And we cannot blame one another, we must look to ourselves first.
But even a wali is not perfect. Only Sayyidina Muhammad (s) is perfect; perfection is only for one prophet. That is why all prophets come on the Day of Judgment asking shafa`ah for their ummah. Adabanee rabbee fa ahsana taadeebee, "My Lord trained me and perfected me and perfected my good manners," a wali is not going in the way of Shaytan, but is going in the way of rahmah, mercy. Allah (swt) said, "Follow Muhammad (s) and Allah will love you." Allah loves the way awliyaullah are following. Now some might be going like a turtle, some like a rabbit, some like a rocket, very quickly, and some like stars crossing from east to west in this universe. Every wali has his level. We cannot humiliate any wali in his lower level. All are taking from Prophet (s); we cannot say, "This is a wali but he is bad." No, he is taking from Prophet (s)!
And we know this for a fact that Allah (swt) connected us to Sultan al-Awliya (q). This is an honor for us, to connect to the one who has direct connection to Prophet (s). When awliya ask, Allah (swt) gives them. They like to see their followers on the right track of discipline. And I will end with two words that are enough if we follow in this life and the next: to follow the tracks of Prophet (s) and to follow the tracks of our shaykh, Mawlana Shaykh Nazim al-Haqqani (q), that is an honor for us. But you cannot say to any shaykh or wali, "You are not right." All are taking from Prophet (s); some, as Muhammad al-Busayri (q) said, Gharfan min al-bahr aw rashfan min ad-diyami, "Some (are taking) in handfuls and some in buckets from the ocean."
For example, since I have been coming here and since Mawlana Shaykh Nazim (q) was coming here in 1979, and before when Mawlana (q) was going to Green Lanes and when I went to America and traveled overseas, there is one major problem that people complain about, one main issue. I don't know why this is in us and we can't get rid of it. I will tell one story and I will mention what that problem is.
One time a wrestler, a big person, he was a boxer and might be (weighing) 150 kilograms, with big muscles. With a dagger, a sword, and a machine gun on his shoulder (laughter), one day he came to Grandshaykh (q) to ask him something. You know in Daghestan when they migrated, their culture was to not put the hat straight but to put it tilted (tilts turban). There are some Pakistanis wearing a tall one, putting like that (at an angle), looking at everyone. Are there some like that in Pakistan? (laughter). They are agha? Or in Afghanistan today you say they are warlords! Might be more tilted (tilts turban more). (laughter) So he was coming to Grandshaykh, who was in seclusion. He was knocking on the door, and saying, "O Shaykh!!" No respect; there are many like that; they don't know, they show slight respect, but not kissing the hand. And today children are not respecting elders. If an older one comes, an uncle or someone, they shake his hand like they are equals, but they don't kiss it.
And he comes, "O Shaykh, give me baya`," and he doesn't know what baya` is. Like in our associations, sometimes people bring their friend and say, "He wants baya`." I ask that one, "Do you want baya`?" and he says, "What is baya`?" In previous times they didn't give baya` to anyone. I never saw Grandshaykh (q) give baya` to anyone, but Mawlana Shaykh (q) is giving to everyone. The tajalli (manifestation) now is different, opening that mercy to all. Now they even come to a representative and give baya`. No, they must go to the shaykh himself and give baya`. And so that wrestler came and said, "I want baya`." The shaykh looked at him, and it was coming to him immediately from Prophet (s). And that one was like a gangster who cheats everyone. If that one comes to you from the street, a thief, burglar and liar, and he comes to take baya` with a normal shaykh, what will happen? The shaykh will say, "Kick him out," because they can't see the heart. That one's heart was very, very pure. That is why shuyookh know, they will not leave that person to be eaten by hyenas. He knows he is a gangster; whatever he has, he will take him in and discipline him and work to clean him.
So it comes to his heart, "That one is pure, give him baya`."
Grandshaykh said, "Alright, you stay here for two or three days. Tomorrow you go down from the mountain, you will see a person selling the intestines of sheep. You go down and slap him on his neck!" His hand is big, he is a wrestler. "Beat him up. That is your duty. Go and then tell me what happens."
"O Shaykh, tariqah is nice! I am going to beat him and everyone."
"No, just beat this one."
He was so happy that tariqah is like that, nice! (laughter) So early the next day, he happily went to the city. And where the shaykh mentioned, he found the man walking with the intestines and insides, dripping and smelly. He warmed up his hands and then he beat him up. The man fell on the floor and all the intestines were falling on him. He looked; he was angry but kept his mouth closed. He didn't say anything, not one word. The wrestler was angry. He wanted him to respond and then he would beat him up, but the man didn't respond. So he had no excuse to fight. He was waiting and waiting, and this man carried the intestines and continued on his way. So that wrestler went back to the shaykh and he was very angry. He asked, "What happened? I thought tariqah is nice, but now it is difficult. I thought I was going to beat him up?"
Instead, the shaykh told him to rest, and the following day that he should go and find another one carrying lower intestines, and beat him until he falls down. The next day, the wrestler went to the city and saw a man walking, carrying the lower part of intestines, what you would stuff with rice.
He said, "Alhamdulillah, the shaykh made this. Well, now I am going to beat this one up."
So he warmed up his hands and beat him. The man looked at him and laughed; he was not angry.
"What is this tariqah? The first one was angry, the second one is laughing."
He went back and the shaykh asked, "What happened?"
"O Shaykh, the first one was angry, but this one was laughing!"
Shaykh said, "Tomorrow, go to this farm and you will find an old man plowing the field with a buffalo. As soon as you see him, beat him up until the stick breaks. He is an old man, not young. He is my age, about 60."
The next day he found him, took the stick the shaykh gave him, and beat him up on his back. The man took to his feet and pushed on the plow and didn’t look back. The wrestler hit him again with the stick, and the man went faster. The third time, the stick broke. The man stopped and said, "O, my brother, give me your hand! I have to kiss it. You have hurt your hand. I know my shaykh has sent you to correct me, so forgive me for any difficulty this may have been for you. Forgive me for any mistake."
So that wrestler then completely dissolved from a wrestler to a humble person; see the difference between the two?
He went to his shaykh, who said, "Sleep. Tomorrow I will give you baya`."
The next day the shaykh said, "The first one was good, but he was a beginner. He knew I sent you to clean him up, but he still had ego." Because ego makes you angry; if you have no ego you don't care. If they curse you or praise you, it is the same. If I say, "You are a lion," you like it, but if I say, "Mashaa-Allah, you are a donkey," you will be very angry. They are both animals, no difference! Everything is an ego problem.
"So the first one is strong; he knew I am watching him so he backed up. The second one isn't ready to receive his trust, because he looked and he wasn't angry, but he smiled. He was saying, 'O my shaykh, I know you are sending him to me. I am passing my test.’ If you are smiling, you are not passing the test. It says in Holy Qur'an, falaa tuzakkoo anfusakum, 'Don't praise yourself.' (53:32) The third one was passing, because he was worried. He knew you were cleaning him up, but you hurt your hand when you broke the stick. He doesn't want to answer on Day of Judgement that you were hurt from hitting him."
Discipline is important in tariqah. Don't beat your wife. O brothers, you have no right to raise your hands to your wives. Don't understand me wrongly and don't say, “We are not.” I am not speaking to those live on the Internet, and to myself. Prophet (s) prohibited it; he never raised his hands to his wives, never! Why are you beating your wife? Every day I am receiving (complaints) from women, they are being beaten by the husband, or the daughter is beaten by the father. What is this cruelty? And there are women who are provoking their husbands. It is also a mistake for them to do, both sides need to be disciplined.
You must know the shaykh is looking at you. Forget the shaykh--Prophet (s) is looking at you!!! Prophet (s) is looking? Allah (swt) is looking!!! So do you want Him to be unhappy with you? Say, Tubna wa raja'ana illa-Llah, "We repent yaa Allah!" Say, "We repent and we go back to our Lord asking Him to forgive us." May Allah forgive us.
Wa min Allahi 't-tawfeeq, bi hurmati 'l-habeeb, bi hurmati 'l-Fatihah.
Mawlana Shaykh Hisham Kabbani
2 February 2010 Bury, UK
Masjid Noor ul-Islam
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